Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
