You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
