it was like his penis was on wheels.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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