Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
