Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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