we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
