Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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