We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
