I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
