so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
