Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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