Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
