Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Dear god my vagina.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
