I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
