I cannot find my penis.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
