woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
