Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
