She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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