Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Randomize
