2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
