Will you blow on my dice?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
