I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
