hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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