Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
