Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
