What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So many bounce houses so little time
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
