mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
