i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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