Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
