ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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