He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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