It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
