I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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