Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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