I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
