Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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