oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
