youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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