Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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