You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
