Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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