porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
