in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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