I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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