Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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