Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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