i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
