took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
