from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
