im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
