Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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