yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
