hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
